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50 States of McMansion Hell: Johnson County, Kansas

Hello Friends! Sorry for the late post - I got distracted yesterday by taking a moment to enjoy the beautiful weather after shutting myself in various libraries for so long as to not see the sun. :)

Welcome to Kansas - the heart of America. [Insert Wizard of Oz joke just to get that out of the way]. Did you know that Kansas was also the inspiration for the 19th century mathematical fantasy Flatland? Wow! The longing for topological variation explains the rather mountainous layout of our lovely estate:

This classic Beigehaus™ was built in 1996, and boasts 4 bedrooms + 4.5 baths, totaling around 4800 square feet. It can be all yours for the LOW LOW price of 25,060 payments of $19.95 + S&H. Sorry no CoD.

Law Student Foyer

The carpet on the stairs is what gets me. I swear I’ve stared at that floor in some sort of big box store as an impressionable child and it is here to haunt me for buying beer at Walmart over winter break.

Foyer/Dining

Maximalism is coming and it is difficult to get right. I’m talking very, very, very, very difficult. I am going to have A DANG FIELD DAY and I CANNOT WAIT.

WHOLESOME LIVING ROOM

Because I know most of you are going through finals right now, I wanted to provide to you a small island of wholesomeness to get you through your day! Please remember to drink lots of water and take good care of yourselves during this time of deep strife.

Place of devoted labor

My mom is ready to pistol-whip the deer that have decided to stage a coup against her valiant attempts at landscaping. Also dumpster rococo is 100% a reverb-saturated girl band.

Sitting Room where people actually sit

i am a v sensitive girl and hunting makes me sad bc i love birds & other folk and think the whole sport is only acceptable to control the deer population whose natural predators have been driven away due to habitat loss so people can build their fake ugly houses with massive useless lawns.

Area for Mastication

sponge paint that looks like a wet kitchen sponge that is nearing the time for replacement = methodology becoming metaphor or something dumb like that.

Kitchen

I like my friends and want to acknowledge and appreciate them :)

Master Bed

That sitting area could be a 1996 exhibit in a design museum. That green marble tho.

Master Bath

gotta give people credit when they try.

Bedroom 2 [sad]

I can’t not be dark - I still have 2 exams next week.

Basement

Ah, high school - a time when I thought my classical music career would swiftly and effortlessly take off.

And finally, our friend the rear exterior:

Is there a new fancy 8-letter literary term for the deliberate subversion (really a deconstruction, thanks Derrida) of grammar and syntax in internet humor yet? Because I’m p sure high school English teachers would love that.

Anyways, that does it for Kansas! Based on current exam priorities, there’s not going to be a Sunday post next week, but the schedule should be back on track the week after. Stay tuned for Wednesday’s Kentucky McMansion!

If you like this post, and want to see more like it, consider supporting me on Patreon! Also JUST A HEADS UP - I’ve started posting a GOOD HOUSE built since 1980 from the area where I picked this week’s McMansion as Wednesday bonus content on Patreon! Not into small donations and sick bonus content? Check out the McMansion Hell Store - 100% goes to charity.

Copyright Disclaimer: All photographs in this post are from real estate aggregate Zillow.com and are used in this post for the purposes of education, satire, and parody, consistent with 17 USC §107. Manipulated photos are considered derivative work and are Copyright © 2017 McMansion Hell. Please email kate@mcmansionhell.com before using these images on another site. (am v chill about this)

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